Installment 6: new beginnings

He missed me.

Huh…..

Well, good for him because
                  I MISSED HIM LIKE CRAZY.
So, when he sent me that email that said he wanted to talk about trying to work things out,
I almost jumped out of my chair.
We talked.
We apologized.
We reconciled.
Aaaaaand, we were dating. Again.
                            Oh, young love.
The dating scene for us this time around was way too similar to the first time around….
including another break-up.
Yes, I had been dumped. Again.
(thanks for noticing)
However, one thing was different this time around.
                 Instead of choosing a birthday party, he chose to make it a week-long event.
Oh, spectacular.
First, he wrote me a letter. When he handed it to me,
my naive heart started a-pittering-pattering out of excitement.
The butterflies started a-flitting-a-fluttering in my stomach.
That boy never wrote me love letters.
He had written me one before, and I treasured it.
I was certain I would love this one just as much.
I ripped it open, excited to see what it said.
It said we needed a break.
(are you SERIOUS?)
He thought we needed to seriously consider where this relationship was headed.
UM, HELLO.
I WAS CONSIDERING THAT.
EVERY STINKING DAY!
I WAS CONSIDERING HOW HAPPY I WAS.
HOW THE RELATIONSHIP WAS HEADED TOWARD MORE HAPPINESS.
AND RAINBOWS.
AND BUTTERFLIES.
Not time apart.
No, I had never considered that.
But he had.
And so, time a part is what he got.
AGAIN.
But, oh buddy, don’t you be mistaken into thinking I made this easy on him.
I should have read it, comprehended it, and then realized
that we were done.

But I didn’t.

So, he had to spell it out for me.
He picked me up one night to watch a movie. The movie was Office Space. And to this day, I have a nervous tick when I hear someone ask for their stapler.
Except, I didn’t actually watch the movie.
The Christmas Tree had just been put up, and it was directly in my line of sight.
To see the movie, I would have had to lean towards my soon-to-be ex.
You know, sit and cuddle the way cute, young couples in love do.

However, I could sense he wasn’t really enjoying himself,

and he had decided that the best way to communicate
his feelings to me would be to ignore me. So that’s what he did.
And, so, I sat and stared at the Christmas Tree
because I sure as heck wasn’t invited to lean (let alone cuddle) near him.
For over an hour.
                                 When he finally did speak up, dating round two
officially ended.
Ugh.
I sobbed (no surprise there)
and demanded he take me home. (now THAT was an awkward ride…)
When he dropped me off,
he was crying a little, too.
And I’ll be completely honest here – it made me feel a little better.
After this break-up, I was ticked.
Seriously. Annoyed.
And not only that, but I was somewhat depressed (isn’t every teenage girl after a breakup?).
To fix my problems, I decided that a haircut was in order.
It had been incredibly long up to that point.
So, I thought the best decision would be to cut it off.
Almost all of it.
And, wouldn’t you know it,
that boy hated it.
                                          So I LOVED it.
But, of course, I couldn’t stay that empowered for long.
I missed him.
More than I had the first time. And all I could do
was sit and think about it.
To most it seemed silly that I was so tied up in a high school boyfriend.
But, you see, this boyfriend was different.
He was going to go to college to be in ministry.
He had a love for God that I wanted and needed in my life.
He had values and morals – something most boys in my hometown lacked.
So, when he emailed (yep, again)
to tell me he felt like it had been a mistake;
he wanted to try again;
he missed me….
I immediately said yes. Duh.
If you are keeping count, this meant we were dating
for the third time.
At this point, it was almost time for the school year to end.
This third-time’s-a-charm boyfriend graduated high school and was preparing to head away to college.
We spent our Summer together, but when Fall rolled around, he headed to the big city.
The distance was a pain. It was only about an hour away, but it proved to each of us how strong we felt for one another. We became a “serious couple” at that point.
No more annual break-ups for us.
Until I became a Senior.
And almost blew it.
Because I was DUMB.
And I mean DUMB.
I can’t give you the details because it breaks my heart to remember.
Because I broke his heart.
It was a terrible, awful time in my life. In OUR LIVES.
And I regret it to this day.
However, the things I learned are invaluable to me.
I had never before seen a love like the love he had for me.
I had never felt someone need me or want to love me like that.
I had never before watched someone’s heart break before my own eyes.
I had never been faced with how selfish I can be.
I had never hurt so much inside or hated myself so badly.
I learned that my love for that boy
                               went above and beyond all that I could imagine or comprehend.
I learned that his love for me
                               truly was unconditional.
I learned that he loved me more than I could ever understand or deserve.
I realized that he really did want to be with me forever.
And I realized
that I couldn’t
wait for
forever to begin.

2 thoughts on “Installment 6: new beginnings

  1. First of all, I can’t believe I’m just now reading this, you know, a couple years later. Second of all, I remember you cutting your hair to tick off Shane!! I remember because I thought that was so boss and brave of you. :) This story is great btw – I can’t believe how much I remember/ knew about your relationship, but then again we were in band together and knew everything about everyone…

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